PCOS and sex are not enemies

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How does this syndrome affect sexual life? For a lot of women this is a difficult matter to speak about: the specialists report about psychophysical symptoms (obesity, hirsutism, procreation disorders, anxiety, depression), and usually, the patients don’t ask anything about their sexual intimacy because they feel embarrassed.

The hormonal disequilibrium of PCOS affects the functionality of the genital organs as well. Sex, for women, may still be a tabu, and specialists don’t often take care of their sexuality (they wrongly focus all the energy on what they think is more essential to the cure): you may not know, but a lot of PCOS women experience the lack of sexual desire, they aren’t able to reach the orgasm, and sometimes the sexual intercourse is painful as they lack of enough vaginal lubrication. Actually these symptoms originate from the hormonal features of the disorder itself and they get worse because of the lack of self confidence, fear, and dismay. Undoubtedly, sexual life is a difficult matter to deal with for everybody- only apparently, sexual pleasure has been set free. Overrated sexy pictures, young, fit charming bodies make us feel silly and old fashioned: we feel as we were the only ones to experience fear and embarrass when we deal with the ‘other sex’. But the truth is this: it is only advertisement, it is acting, it is emphasis, it is exaggeration: keep calm because we are all in the same boat, PCOS or not. Nobody teaches us how to have a satisfying sexual life: we would need it!

Please, let’s come to terms with it and don’t feel a rare bird. Sex is a tricky matter for a lot of people. Good news: we can learn to be relaxed and at ease. And PCOS won’t prevent it! As it is often reported, this disorder may affect both womanliness and intimacy. Some causes could be hormonal but some sexual problems may be rooted in lack of self confidence, negative past experiences, discomfort about the body, fear of being unattractive. Anxiety is the worst enemy of eroticism. If you think you are not attractive, or desirable, if you don’t feel comfortable in your shoes, you will not be happy to ‘meet your partner’, and you will start thinking that you are not loved anymore and soon or later ‘he’ will abandon you. You don’t trust your partner’s desire but he is looking for you and trying to stimulate you; you are just petrified by your fears, you just stiffen, get annoyed, sometimes you find consolation in food and pretend a lot of excuses to put off the moment you will have to be naked. It is so frightening to show yourself without any masks. This is the secret: push the fear away!

First of all, we are all human beings: everyone faces problems and difficulties. Your partner has chosen you because you are like that-you are not a car: sex is not a matter of ‘mechanic’ or ‘body’. Give up over thinking about your physical appearance (we can work a lot about this!) and live your sexual life as a holy communication, where a universal language is spoken, where you can play with your body and your partner, where you kiss, hug, caress, without any worries.

Get ready for the meeting. Cuddle your body: it is always beautiful, it is our temple, your holy house which protects, supports you and gives life. Get washed, and perfumed, take care of your skin and your hair: these gestures may help the eroticism. Learn to play with your body: nail polisher, make up, body cream and oil, perfume, and jewelry to be like queens. The place is important too: make your room cozy-use perfumed candles; create a psychologically favorable place in half light.

Teach your partner to spend some time on the foreplay. The hurry is often responsible for sexual dissatisfaction. Sex needs time. Excitement grows slowly, the woman, most of all, needs a slow, curious, careful approach. There are no rules: everything you like is allowed and a single millimeter of skin may provoke overwhelming sensation. Slow down, relax your body and mind, favor oscillating movements-you will get a deeper contact and the excitement will grow more and more. Tension and stiffness reduce the pleasure. Push the old habits and the hurry away: take your time for kisses, caresses, massages, change your position, look your partner into the eyes, tell him what you like: this means pleasure.

Recently, a lot of studies have shown that there is a correlation between the improvement in PCOS women’s sexual life and a tailored diet and constant exercise. All the findings reported an increase in sexual desire, decrease in pain and a vaginal lubrication. Sexual health must be considered as a part of a person’s health: sensuality and eroticism should play an important part in our life to be healthy.

You physical appearance is not a final sentence: nowadays, a lot of cures can treat PCOS very efficaciously. But keep in mind: what you want from yourself, the value you give yourself are highly meaningful. Being healthy needs commitment: we have to think it is worth of effort. So we will get used to being self-confident and liking ourselves as we are. We won’t chase forced unnatural body shapes, cliché or targets which have been dictated by the market. Sometimes physiotherapy helps to increase the self-confidence and to get rid of self criticism which are the only responsible for sexual problems. Getting healthy means that we are getting fond of the best of ourselves. We have to respect and look after our originality. We have to learn to love ourselves and let ourselves live the pleasure fully.

Have good sex!

About Barbara Alessio

I am Barbara Alessio, I am a psychologist, a psychotherapist and a psycho-diagnotic theraphyst. I have been helping people in their personal growth, and cure for almost 25 years. I talk with women, I want to help them in their journey, I want to make them feel they are not alone, I want to listen to them, to support them, to soothe their pain and make them lead their life and take care of their health.