PCOS and couple relationship

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How does this syndrome affect love life? It’s quite common; women get into trouble, they think they aren’t adequate any more. Low self-confidence and low self-esteem about one’s physical appearance are the main causes of this crisis. Let’s have a look at some strategies not to run away from the partner.

Life as a couple is complex and we aren’t taught about that: when health trouble arises, it can get even worse. Women affected by PCOS are always called into question and they develop anxiety about their womanliness which closely affects their intimacy. As it is a hormonal disorder, PCOS influences physical appearance: weight gain, skin blemishes, extra hair growth, are added to mood leaps. These women feel they are different, they are less attractive and beautiful, in a worse losers. Their self-confidence gets lower and lower and their anger grows more and more. They may let off steam on food and they may not care about their appearance any more. They think it’s no worth. The body and the health get worse as well- downgraded opinion about themselves and negative mood deeply affect the couple life. PCOS women often thinks they aren’t “enough” they are not worth of love, they are not adequate. They become insecure and restless: often a fierce jealousy arises-they are always doubting: does the partner still love them or is he looking for another one? They pout, they get whimsical, they refuse the partner, look apathetic, unenthusiastic, unconcerned. Communication with the partner becomes uneasy, they start feeling nobody can understand them, they feel refused. PCOS women talk less than they used to, they hide themselves, they shut themselves away and feel annoyed all the time. The partner can’t understand: she is in a different inner mood, emphasizing is not easy, as he is a man. Mutual understanding, sharing and intimacy can be spoilt. How could they get out of that?

First mistake. Women don’t tell their partners what they are experiencing. The partner can’t guess our mood or what we feel. Nobody is a soothsayer, and nobody can’t read in our mind. We have to make the effort to explain what we are experiencing. The sense of sharing is based on good communication. We really mustn’t think the partner can understand us if we don’t speak to him. And we have to speak frankly, sincerely, and faithfully.

Second mistake. We don’t trust the partner and our story with him. The one who has chosen us and is still by our side, doesn’t want everything to be perfect and he is not afraid of our weak points. Actually, sometimes he is in love with those weak points. Couples are based on mutual respect, reciprocal care, common values and interests. We don’t have to pretend to feel good all the time or not to have any problems. We mustn’t try to be always perfect. Our partner may not be perfect and he has never wanted us to be like that. The problem is just ours, we can’t stand our weaknesses, our difficulties, our diseases and imperfections. We are afraid of what we are and we project them on our partner; so we think our he is refusing us. Giving up the idea of perfection is the only way to keep the couple going on. Being different means betraying the feeling which was born when we first met. If we had been different our partner wouldn’t have chosen us. Telling frankly what we feel, what makes us feel scared or unhappy, revealing our soul and our secrets without feeling silly or weak or without fearing the other’s judgment, is the only way to be make the couple stronger and closer. All that builds sharing and complicity, that special cohesion and harmony which is called “couple”. Often problems strengthen the couples because they face them together. Of course, we have to let our partner understand us and be close to us

Don’t live as you were ill. Having a health disorder doesn’t mean you have to act the role of the infirm person. We are down and angry for the diagnosis, clearly worried and sad. We tent to speak only about that, to focus on the symptoms and to feel betrayed by the life, to stare at the people: they all seem cheerful and happy because they don’t have our disorder. But we are more than a set of symptoms: we are rich in our inner mood, we have several aspects. The choc from the diagnosis is useful to make us act strongly: we have to take care of ourselves. We have to stand up and look after what makes our life richer and we haven’t lost: love, family, friends, profession, interests, hobbies. Focusing just on the disorder is no good at all. It isn’t useful, on the contrary is harmful and wear out the other parts of our life.

Look into the topic carefully, thinking that our disorder may affect our love life is just a misconception. “who we are” and “how we get on well with the other”: that’s the meaningful point. If you have PCOS, you will be able to love as you used to do: it may be hard to face it, but you will be able to give yourself as anyone else. You will still be able to share your life and your passions and take care about important things in life. We have to keep well in mind that problems and arguments with the partner are normal in the couple and inevitable in life, be they represent a time to reflect, to know the other better, to compare, and to make the couple grow. Trust yourself and the person by your side.

About Barbara Alessio

I am Barbara Alessio, I am a psychologist, a psychotherapist and a psycho-diagnotic theraphyst. I have been helping people in their personal growth, and cure for almost 25 years. I talk with women, I want to help them in their journey, I want to make them feel they are not alone, I want to listen to them, to support them, to soothe their pain and make them lead their life and take care of their health.